The more I observe the people I know, the more clear it becomes that they are simply better people than me. I don't say that with even a hint of anger or hate at myself, only a deep appreciation of how far my friends and family have come since The Fall.
It's not that I haven't evolved with them, just that they've adapted better and faster than I have. I think most people have. Not something I'm ashamed of. That's just how it is.
I know, this is all vague and boring, but I don't have a lot to talk about today. The truth is that I'm sitting here at the house with no news updates about what's going on outside because so many people are out working at the hospital that New Haven feels like a ghost town.
Will is out, as are Jess and Patrick. Pat is missing a hand, and his skills with metalworking are critical--yet he's out there working with the rest of them. It makes sense, after all: there are a lot of little pieces of metalwork that have to be done to make the hospital habitable in the long-term. Pat has to do his thing.
I'm not really griping, just sort of dealing with the new reality. That's the one where I'm kept safe here while others go out and do the fighting for me. That rankles. It makes my teeth hurt. This morning the defenses in East were tested again by a relatively large group of zombies, about a hundred and fifty. The bells went off and I was already grabbing my bow when Jess--before she left--reminded me that I'm not on call today. She also pointed out that there were enough defenders inside the walls of East and fighters coming from the direction of the hospital, which is only a few hundred yards away, to crush that many undead like a walnut on an anvil.
So I settled back in and kissed her goodbye and sat down to try to think of something to write about. I mean, there shouldn't be any shortage of topics. There are Exiles out there, and the mysterious group of survivors systematically destroying smaller settlements. The hospital work is vital to our plans, and some new ideas on how to deal with our crowded population are interesting.
But there's no news on most of those fronts. I'm honestly cut off from updates today because so many people are out of New Haven. I'm bored. Which is a condition so maddening to me that I'm considering taking up knitting just to have something to do.
Terrible as it sounds, tomorrow is bound to bring something interesting. Or, at least the resumption of some news flow that will allow me to focus on something that isn't me. Hoping it won't be anything really bad.
I think I'll try to sleep this weird malaise off. Being alone and without stimulation isn't doing great things for my state of mind, and every word I type just makes it worse.